Whitney 1016

free (whatever that means)

2011-03-21T10:47:00.000-07:00

I love it when life gets all serendipitous.

Almost exactly a year ago, I was chilling (and blogging) in New Orleans with my friend Melissa. I got the bright idea to use the opportunity to get a new tattoo, since ink on the East Coast is so notoriously expensive. I hopped on Yelp! to find a good tattoo place and there was one right near our hotel.

By the time we'd walked to the studio, I knew exactly what I wanted. The word libre. It's French, and also, I later discovered, Spanish. It means free and it's derived from the Latin liber. In English, free is free. The same word is used if you happen upon a great promotion at Baskin-Robbins (buy one scoop, get one free) as if you were trying to describe a bit of liberation ("I'm free from my obligations").

Not so in Romance languages. Libre is free as in liberated, gratis is free as in of no cost. I've written about my quest for true freedom on this blog before, briefly. But, believe it or not, I hadn't yet consciously began that journey when I got the tattoo. I just liked the word and thought it was pretty and would look good on my wrist. Plus, it kind of sounded like Libra, which is my zodiac sign. (I don't recognize this crazy realignment of constellations that switches everyone's sign back a month. October 16 is still Libra to me. Humph.) Liber is also the root word of the Anglo-French word liberty or liberté.

So I was looking at my wrist last night and made a bit of a revelation. My desire to be free, liberated, unbought, whatever other word you want to throw in there, probably began at birth. Something in my subconscious drew me to the word libre when I first learned it (I've been doodling it on myself for a while) and now I have a daily reminder of the commitment that I have with myself, to always protect myself, and always be myself.

Serendipity. It's a beautiful thing.

This Is What a Feminist Looks Like: Self-Love - Patriarchy = My Feminism

2011-03-08T11:09:00.000-08:00

"If you are black, or a woman, or gay, or fat, the simple act of loving yourself becomes revolutionary."

--Unknown (I can't find the author of this! I think it may be Margaret Cho)

I will never understand why women are so afraid of the "F" word. Sure some of us xx's are too ashamed to ever utter an expletive, but even more of us fear the idea of feminism. I'm a woman who does not, never has and never will shy away from saying (and writing) fuck. I have also always been a feminist.

The first time that I remember thinking that our society put women in roles that were of no interest to me, I was in elementary school. My cousins from out of town and I were playing in my grandmother's backyard and, somehow, the conversation turned to nudity. I proudly told the group that no one was going to see me naked when I got older (I don't know why.) My older cousin, a boy, said that when I got married, I'd have to be naked in front of my husband.

Not because I particularly knew why married people were naked in front of each other, but more because I resented the idea that I'd have to change when I got older, I shouted that if marriage meant being naked all the time, "I never want to get married."

I swear, I'd never seen my grandmother appear to be so upset with me. She had heard what I said from the other side of the window where she was perched in the living room. She began to bang on the window, mouthing to me, "Don't say that! Why did you say that?"

I didn't understand then why she was so upset. I think I know now.

Our society doesn't support women. We don't support the idea that women can be complete, whole people, not just relegated to side pieces, halves of couples, mothers to children or objects to be admired, cherished, desired and cared for. We don't value feminine bodies, minds, opinions, relationships or spaces. We don't encourage women to be whole. For me to even think, at four or five years old no less, that I could be enough for myself, whole and undefined by motherhood or marriage, wasn't something that my grandmother supported, maybe because she hadn't seen it.

[Update: I was really unsatisfied with my definition of wholeness. It's so much more than whether you choose to be married or single, to be a mother or childless. Since I couldn't better articulate, I'm quoting Super Hussy (or Aiesha Turman) on self-possession:

The vast majority of us were not self-possessed enough at that age to write and/or perform a song that spoke to believing in yourself and shaking off all the nay-sayers. Shoot, most grown women aren’t that self-possessed. And with all of the “news” about or targeted to Black women constantly reinforcing the “all Negro problems begin and end with you” mantra, well…

But it goes deeper than that. Even at a young age, Willow seems to own her self. In contrast to most music that seeks to lament lost loves, unrequited loves, and the occasional jump off, Whip My Hair, is about the “I”, not you, or him, or they, but I. I am in control. I am not going to let you bother me. I have coping mechanisms. I am going to succeed regardless. It’s the ultimate in uplift.]

When we've never seen whole women, that is, people with lady parts who are truly free, the idea of woman as human being is radical. And scary. We fear whole women the way we fear "losing our mind," afraid of what we might say or do if we forgot to care about what we should say or do. This, I think, is partly where fear of the "F" word stems.

I'm 25 years old now, and I relate to being a feminist more than ever. Not because I believe pregnancy termination is a matter of healthcare (and doesn't belong on House of Representative's debate floor), not because I believe that rape is a symptom of our diseased culture, not even because I believe that the pay gap between men and women needs to close. All of the issues that feminists fight for aren't what move me to continue to identify as a feminist.

I am a feminist because I believe in freedom, in all of its multifaceted, convoluted, difficult-to-define forms. Feminism and the end of patriarchy are what will free us all--men, women, children, rich, poor, gay, straight, fat, skinny, able-bodied and people with disabilities, cisgendered and transgendered, Jew and gentile. And even though I've been all girl-power my whole life, the day that I accepted who I was -- in all my black, womanly, nappy-headed, fat awesomeness -- was the day that I really came out as a feminist.

This "F" word has nothing to do with gender, nothing to do with whether you're a "girly" girl or butch, nothing to do with whether you're a stay-at-home mom or a lady executive, nothing to do with whether you're conservative or liberal. It has everything to do with with leveling the playing field, and not just for quantitative things like jobs. I believe that patriarchy, that wizened doctrine of beliefs we've all inherited, makes it impossible for people to live their best lives. Hell, it makes it impossible for anyone outside of the heterosexual, affluent white Christian male model to live even a decent life in this country.

If there's anyone out there self-loving, teaching youngsters to whip it, fighting for the common man, refusing to legislate hate, giving their kids room to be themselves, then those people are all feminists too. And my wish for this Feminist Coming Out Day is that we all grab our balls and let out a couple of "F" words. Fuck Yeah Feminism!

Blogger Forgive Me, For I Have Sinned

2011-02-19T22:50:00.000-08:00

I have disobeyed the cardinal rule of new blogs: though shalt not let weeks go by without posting.

The last post on here (jan. 4), roughly corresponds with when I started tumblr-ing for all it's worth. My tumblr blog is also whitney1016 and I reblog funny quotes, beautiful images, hilarious gifs, etc. It's me, in all my feministy, fat acceptanceish, news-loving, nappy-hair-obsessing self, only abbreviated.

[even when i'm not blogging, i'm watching you.]

Check. It. Out.

Also, I'm cooking up more posts for this on magazines and feminism (I'll be posting that on feminist coming out day next month) and why I hate black history month + Addy dolls + slavery. I also want to write about baby dolls and Barbie dolls for kids. I've been thinking a lot about being a little girl lately, I guess.

Me to Brandon Holley: You Are Awesome

2011-01-04T19:10:00.000-08:00

I've decided to post this email that I once sent to Brandon Holley. If you didn't work in publishing during the first decade of 2000, you probably have no idea who she is. If you knew and loved and dry-humped Jane magazine, the way me and many of my magazine-y friends did in college, you probably love her.

Congratulations! Shine is Amazing!

	from	Whitney Teal
to		shine_brandonholley@yahoo.com
date		Tue, May 27, 2008 at 2:06 AM
subject		Congratulations! Shine is Amazing!
mailed-by		gmail.com

hide details 5/27/08

Good Morning Ms. Holley, I hope this email finds you well! I have recently discovered Shine and am ridiculously excited to have your witty, informative voice back in media. It's a shame that I only discovered Jane during the summer of 2006. I was a Fashion Intern at Essence magazine, a fan of Lauren Weisberger's hilarious roman à clef and anxiously anticipating the movie version starring Anne Hathaway when I spotted her eyeing me from underneath a curtain of dark bangs as I stood on the platform at the 50th street station, waiting for the 1 train to take me home. There was Jane and there, in a little over a hundred pages, was me, in all of my Sexy, Smart and Cool glory.

Is it evident that I still mourn (not to mention wish I hadn't torn so many covers off of the book just to tape them to my dorm room wall)? Nonetheless, I wish you all the best with Shine and everything else that you're working on. I hope that our paths will cross very soon as I navigate this magazine world. If you have the time or the energy (I read that you are having a baby...congrats!), I would love to meet with you briefly to properly introduce myself and tell you in-person what a great editor you are :)

All the best,
Whitney T**l

I post this for the same reason that I once posted a cover letter I submitted to Jezebel.com's editor around the same time: almost to remind myself that I used to be this ambitious girl who idolized women like Holley.

Up next on this blog: How Lady Mags Forced Me Into Feminism, or something like that.

On New Year's: Eliminating Shame and Honoring Your Values

2010-12-30T14:32:00.000-08:00

I used to be like the typical American in that I frequently attempted to shame myself into being a "better" person. I made myself think that being thinner, going to church more often and becoming part of a couple were things that I should be working on because they were what would make me happier and a more valuable person.

The past few years have found me abandoning the idea of being "better," and embracing the idea of being "free." Free of societal impositions on how I should live my live, religious edicts on how I should treat myself, familial obligations on what it means to be normal, free of living a mindless life. In pursuit of that freedom, I abandoned New Year's Resolutions.

This year, 2010, however, has been such a roller-coaster for me. I really, really welcome the idea of having a clean slate, more than I'd like to admit. I've been searching for a way to commemorate the new year and set goals without setting myself up to fail.

Rosetta Thurman, blogger at HappyBlackWoman.com, has a great video about making New Year's Commitments, instead of Resolutions. While I don't think that her idea is exactly what I'm looking for, I enjoyed some of the things that she had to say towards the end, mainly the idea of not shaming yourself into change and instead honoring your values.

The way that I plan to do that is to choose an inspirational word that will guide me through the year. A word that encapsulates where I'd like to be in a year's time. I've been throwing around the words Focus, Passion, Freedom and Foundation. They are all important in different ways. I've also been thinking about using a phrase for 2011 and pairing a quote with the inspirational word.

Nicki Minaj + Regis Philbin + Rape Culture Dismissal

2010-12-06T20:38:00.000-08:00

I wrote about Regis Philbin's feel-copping over at Change.org's Women's Rights blog. Watch the video if you haven't seen it, but it's touching of thighs, slapping of asses and really gross, inappropriate sex jokes. Basically, the stuff of unwanted contact, unwanted harassment, not giving consent and being humiliated on television.

However, when I wrote it, I didn't expect to get any support from the feminist community on the issue. You know, because it's not about something horrible happening to either a white coed or a POC overseas in one of those horridly backwards countries that we Americans love to talk about (and ignore what's going on at home). That's not to say that horrible things aren't always really horrible and important topics to discuss, but it is to say that I question the knee-jerk (white) liberal response to such atrocities and wonder if they know/care that similar stuff is most definitely happening in their town/city/region?

But, anyway, support. I didn't expect to get any. People have this idea that if you care about one thing, you can't possibly care about something else. They must not know 'bout me, me of exceptional intelligence that can process Minaj's groping + mass rapes overseas + the stifling patriarchy of For Colored Girls + whatever else you throw at me. I got this Minaj thing, but that doesn't mean I'm ignoring other things.

One thing that Change.org has recently committed to doing (that I have grown to love) is focusing writing on things that are actionable, that can be righted, changed, amended for the greater good. This Philbin thing has deep roots in a society that views the bodies of women (of color, particularly) as free-for-alls, public property available for the grabbing, groping, cat-calling, raping and taking. This Philbin thing is important not because of Minaj, but because of what it represents. And it's something that can be made right. All we want is a commitment from the show to not grope guests. That's it. And I hope to get it. (Sign the petition, damnit!)

YWCA of Greater Baltimore linked the story on the Facebook page with an introduction that was so perfect.

"A prime example of rape mentality being viewed as completely permissible, even forgivable. This rising female rap artist was blatantly groped by Regis Philbin and the response, so far, has been that Niki Menaj [sic] was 'asking for it' because of her provocative dress. Does that make it OK to grope her??"

See? They get it. Not just because they agreed with me, but because they took it one step further to say that the idea that you can grope someone freely leads to the idea that you can rape someone freely. Connections.

But even the "asking for it" trope I can deal with. What I can't deal with is "nothing really happened" or "Minaj didn't seem to have a problem with it." GRRRRRR! **excuse me while I break this down**

First off, it was sexual harassment as defined by the EEOC. (I googled this to be sure.) So, if "Live with Regis and Kelly" is Minaj's workplace, there's a case there. No one at any of my jobs has ever reached up my skirt or slapped me on the ass. And if they did, I'd probably be too shocked to immediately process it. And if my boss was rich and famous as Philbin, I probably would be very tempted not to do anything.

Secondly, it doesn't matter what Minaj's reaction was. There was no consent, there was no permission and this obviously wasn't planned, as is obvious by Kelly Ripa's stunned expression. And, maybe, just maybe, Minaj, being a curvy woman of African descent who grew up in Queens, is so used to this "body as a public space" thing that she didn't immediately think it was shocking or wrong or something she's not used to. But because something is familiar, that doesn't make it right. Because something is playful, that doesn't make it right.

This whole thing just wasn't right, but since I wasn't expecting anyone to agree with me, I'm happy at least a few people saw the wrong.

Community Journalism = Civic Duty

2010-12-02T08:16:00.001-08:00

Since beginning work on an awesome community journalism project, I've had time to think a lot about news and its relationship to community building and strength. News is a valuable product, not just because it affords corporations the opportunity to advertise their products and services to diverse and geographically defined consumers, but also to parents, business owners, non-profit leaders and every one else needing to make informed decisions.

If I believe that the above is true, then I can also believe that aiding the people of news is a sort of civic duty. Along with voting and reporting to police officers, if you know something, say something. If you think something, write something. If you're asked something, answer something. Doing my daily work, I'm constantly questioning, gathering information in order to then disseminate. All of this in hopes of creating a valuable, consumable product.

However, there are so many people that are unwilling to participate in the news process. You would be shocked by how many people don't want their names published or their thoughts re-printed on the most basic topics, like, say yoga in their neighborhood or where would be a good place for a new neighborhood Starbucks. This isn't Watergate and you aren't Deep Throat. It's OK to have an opinion and it's your obligation, natch, civic duty to assist in the dissemination of news in your community.

photo: katerha via Flickr Creative Commons

On 'Weeds' Race Problem

2010-11-26T12:07:00.000-08:00

I recently watched the first ten episodes of "Weeds," the Showtime comedy that everyone loves. Like most members of disenfranchised and discriminated groups, I have a really high tolerance for offensive material, so I loved the show, even though I found it to be heinously racist and classist. Most of the race-based comedy stems from a 1970's-esque idea that the viewers will be white and wealthy and find the idea of blacks spitting out profanity-laced racial slurs amusing.

I don't find the show funny (entertaining, but not a knee-slapper) and I'm increasingly annoyed by the idea that the main character, recently widowed housewife cum drug dealer Nancy Botwin, is supposed to be a "good" person. I searched the Interweb for critiques about the show's racism, but came up short. I did find these great comments on a Racialicious post about drug decriminalization and racial inequality in pop culture.

"I’m reminded of the tv show ‘Weeds’ in which a white wealthy suburbanite mother’s zany adventures with the drug world rely on exploitative portrayals of the ever-dangerous POC she encounters as a dealer. Her white privilege consistently saves her from prosecution while the people of color are either monsters or simply willing to put up with her shit for reasons I can’t fathom." -- jvansteppes

"@jvansteppes: God, I hate 'Weeds'. I’d heard it was a good show, watched the first couple episodes, and got slammed with practically non-stop stupid racism. A lot of the humor seemed to come from making observations like “Look at the black guy shopping for rims on eBay, it’s funny because that’s exactly what black guys do! And the Asian woman is a slutty slutty slut and the nice white lady is a nice white lady hahahaha yay stereotypes!”
I watched two episodes, years ago, and I’m still angry about the time I wasted on them." -- atlasien

I was also really disturbed by the intersection of sexual politics and race in the series. Nancy, played by the pale and frail-looking Marie Louise Parker, is of that perpetually confused strain of white women on television that seem to float through the world blindly, inflicting pain, humiliation, alienation and whatever else on others, but never forced to take responsibility for anything. She's a horrible, unattentive and lazy mother and, although she likes to refer to her black supplier family as "friends," she adds no value to their lives. Instead, she prefers to use their everyday conversations as comedic relief (black folks are so delightful!) and effectively meddles in their lives until a rift forms between two of the family members.

Nancy's overly flirtatious with all of the men in the series (including her best friend's husband, often choosing to sit on his lap rather than a chair). The men of color on the show are all after Nancy. They're big, they're bad, they're posturing and they lust after a woman devoid of redeeming qualities, seemingly because she's white and exotic.

But what really saddens me about the show is that talented and charismatic actors like Romany Malco, who plays Nancy's supplier's flunky Conrad, spend their entire careers playing oversexed, shuffling Negro criminals. (Check Malco's resume. He played an embarrassingly n*ggery character in The 40 Year Old Virgin and a ghetto doorman in Baby Mama.) I'm guessing that the same is true for Vincent Laresca, who plays the violent Latino drug dealer who has sex with Nancy on the hood of his car after threatening her, and Maulik Pancholy, a nerdy Indian named Sanjay, a character that perpetually loses out on Nancy's affection to other characters.

The women of color on the show are of a similar mold. Asian women are oversexed sluts who whore themselves out at massage parlors or bed married white men. Black women are overweight, loud lip-smackers in need of charity (despite lucrative careers as weed dealers). Latina women can't speak English or drive, and exist only to simultaneously serve and irritate the white characters.

As much as I love some of the smart writing, I absolutely hate every single scene involving a POC. It's been years since this season aired, but I find myself wishing someone at Showtime had've given creator and writer Jenji Kohan a memo: Just write about white people and we'll all be a lot happier. Kohan probably doesn't realize it, but it's absolutely, f*cking horrifying to see people of color through her charactered, racist worldview.

Fat Fuck: When Thinner Really Equals Better-Looking

2010-10-22T09:14:00.000-07:00

Fat Fuck is a new column-esque thing that I'm trying out on this blog. I'll be talking about race, gender, size and media. The name addresses both how fat is an insult and also my love of the word fuck.

When it comes to weight, I try to be as egalitarian as I can be about it all: health, looks. This for good reason, since there is absolutely no way to determine health from weight or even if someone is attractive because of their weight. Everyone likes to point to people like Queen Latifah and America Ferrera as examples of people who are not thin but are still beautiful. They are not good examples because they have tons of make-up, proper lighting, cinching undergarments and airbrushing on their side 9 times out of the 10 that we see them. But I see women everyday who run the gamut of fat that are beautiful, period. Not cute to be so fat, or "big girls (I hate that term more than life)" with a pretty face. Just beautiful.

So, it's always with a heavy heart (pun intended) that I admit that some people do look better after losing weight. Like Raven-Symone.

I never believe those before and after weights, but I do believe that she lost about 30 pounds and looks better. Of course, it's also hard to tell if the person looks better because they have a smaller body or because they dress differently or because they feel differently about themselves because of different reactions of people. For whatever reason, Raven looks better to me now than she did last year.

Not everyone looks better after losing weight though. That's probably because we all have a different "good weight." Good weight is the size that we can comfortably maintain and that makes us feel good. People like Jennifer Hudson, who go on weight loss rampages after being offered large amounts of money by corporate fat fucks like Weight Watchers, don't necessarily look better after losing tons of weight.

Is it just me or does her face/head look odd on her new body?

Quickie: Fat Talk Free Week is coming up. Jezebel assembled some opinions on the subject.

What Ebony Magazine Did Right...

2010-10-18T19:56:00.000-07:00

versus what Glamour magazine did wrong:

They actually used black women to celebrate the accomplishments of black women. Revolutionary.

See my beef with Glamour's salute to biracial beauty via Michelle Obama, Billie Holiday and Althea Gibson.

Fat Fuck: Why I'm Not Mad at 'Parks and Rec's Retta

2010-10-09T21:36:00.000-07:00

I've become a new fan of NBC's "Parks and Recreation," which stars the adorable Amy Poehler. The show is not what I'm normally into (half-hour comedies on network television? No.), but I really got into it after watching the last five episodes of season two on Hulu.

The show's reputation preceded my watching it: WhatTamiSaid blogger and my fellow Change.org writer Tami Winfrey Harris wrote about their big, black woman debacle. And when I saw that comedienne Retta, an overweight black woman, was one of the stars, I cringed and prepared myself to hate her characterization. Surprisingly, I did not.

Retta's character, Donna, is fat and she is black and she is normal. She looks clean and well-groomed. She has a job and works about as hard as anyone in the Parks and Rec department. She speaks, for the most part, with the same generic diction as the other actors. She is a person, for the most part, and not a parody or any more of a stock character than the rest.

This is in contrast to how fat black women are generally portrayed. They are overwhelmingly older women who display either a "Big Mama" personality of old-school values and witty quips or a perverted "Big Mama" personality where the old-school values and witty quips are laced with sexual innuendos and slang. They are Othered, even in a category of people (black women) who are Othered and then Othered again. And they're also normally played by men.

I've seen only 11 episodes of "Parks," so there could certainly be some horrible moments that I'm missing, but overall I'm certain that the show's race/gender problem does not lie with the fat black woman character. For once.

Andrea Levy + Man Booker Prize

2010-10-02T21:21:00.000-07:00

Andrea Levy, a Jamaican-British (and Jewish -- check the name) writer who some say is brilliant, is on the Man Booker Prize shortlist for her latest novel The Long Song.

Here's how Booker describes the novel:

Told by July, a slave girl born on a Jamaican sugar plantation in the nineteenth century, this is the story of her life during and after the last years of slavery.

I have sort of a hate-hate relationship with novels set during slavery. Not because they aren't good, but because they give me the willies. The last plantation book I read was The Book of Night Women in June 2009. It was also set on a Jamaican plantation and it was pretty gully. (Still, if you haven't read it, definitely do. It's pretty amazeballs.)

Anyway, I'm glad that I stumbled across Levy's award (on NPR.org, of course) because I bought one of her other novels, Fruit of the Lemon from the book sale at White Oak Library last month and haven't gotten past the first page. Not because it's not good (it is, so far), but because I can't bring myself to read.

The Black Girl Project + #blacknerdshit

2010-09-25T20:47:00.000-07:00

I went to a screening of The Black Girl Project, a documentary about, um, black girls, and it was awesome. Like, really, really, really awesome. The project was conducted by Aisha Turman (aka @SuperHussy) and is a collection of video essays (that's how I describe them) with young women.

What I love most was the characterization. The women were allowed to be funny, quirky, reflective, or whatever else, along with their issues. Their issues--rape, absent parents, homelessness--were not trotted out to define who they were. Again, it was awesome.

On that note, one of the subjects of the doc, Netchem Hairston (aka @SkinnyMinnie), is the proprietor of an awesome tumblr about natural hair. Through that website, I found this awesome woman:

[I want her tattoos. Badly.]

Also at the screening, I was introduced to the fancy-schmancy-sounding "artist collective" that is The Saartjie Project. They're next project will be inspired by Nina Simone's "Four Women."

Every last thing I noted? Pure #blacknerdshit.

Men of Strength: 'My Strength Is Not For Hurting'

2010-09-23T23:47:00.000-07:00

I was so honored to attend Men Can Stop Rape's Men of Strength Awards on Wednesday night. The evening presented awards to three young men who were part of the Men of Strength (MOST) program at their respective schools. The program pairs facilitators and pizza with hungry young men who come for the food and stay for a little bit of gender equity. Groups discuss our society's weird fascination with violent masculinity and how prevailing patriarchy contributes to violence against women. Can someone say F-U-N?!

I wrote a short post about the awards for Women's Rights (I'll post a link once the story is up.) In the meantime, I made a short video of the last award that was presented. The High School Award (other awards were Middle School Award and College Award) is significant since the MOST program began in high schools before expanding to include other grade levels. The award winner for this grade level was also a great speaker who made some good points during his acceptance speech.

Enjoy!

Men Can Stop Rape's 2010 Men of Strength Awards from Whitney Teal on Vimeo.

Fat-Shaming and All That

2010-09-12T16:28:00.001-07:00

I wrote a little something for Change.org about female fat acceptance and feminism (they're related). Read the story, please!

It was really easy-slash-difficult for me to write. It was easy because I've long felt that our culture's disgust of fat has nothing to do with health and everything to do with Eurocentric beauty ideals. It was hard because I've avoided using the word fat for the past 10 years, either to describe myself or anyone anywhere near my size. So this post was a little bit of a coming out for me, even though I don't really get too personal (I'm not there yet).

Why Female Fat Acceptance Is A Feminist Issue.

Whose Baby Are You?

2010-09-05T00:00:00.000-07:00

{minnie riperton with the amazingness that is baby maya rudolph and her brother marc rudolph}

I wrote a story about multicultural moms for Change.org. The moms I was blogging about -- a black mom with a mixed baby and a white mom with a black baby -- remind me of that children's book Whose Mouse Are You? I like the idea that I "belonged" to my mommy when I was little. I think people should assume that the babies they see with women and men "belong" to them and not ask rude things or assume things, like the mommy's the nanny or the baby was adopted.

Check it out here.

Archetypal Women: Sluts

2010-09-04T21:31:00.000-07:00

This grid of "man-hungry" television characters is hilarious, although I think it sucks that Jack McFarland was left off of it. Blanche Devereaux is obviously the best of the bunch. I don't know who #4 and #7 are. Suzanne Sugarbaker is a close second.

"Fuck You"

2010-08-31T10:04:00.000-07:00

There's no way not to love this song.

On Teachable Moments

2010-08-27T16:56:00.000-07:00

Teachable moments. I hate them and here's why.

They put the attention on the ig'nant and the onus on the offended. Example: I used to room with a really fabulous woman in New York. She was biracial with a straight-haired, white mom and a kinky-haired Latino dad. Her hair was loosely curled. She had lived all over the world and was well-versed in many different cultures. She was liberal and progressive. I was black (still am) and I was in a weird in-between relaxer stage with my kinky hair.

During our first few weeks as roomies, she'd constantly question me about my hair: my routine, how the Dominicans got all those pins in my head, my hooded dryer, everything. It only took a few times of one-word answers or stony silence for her to get the hint that this wasn't going to be Black Hair University. If you're curious about black hair, Wikipedia has a whole page devoted to it. We lived in Harlem, so there were about 800,000 black hair salons on our block. Go visit one and quiz a hair stylist. I don't owe you any explanations for my hair and I'm not obligated to cheerily explain things to you. I'm sure there's some sort of repressed history here of having blissfully ig'nant non-black people make comments about my hair as a child, but whatever. Don't ask me about my hair if we don't have the same kind of hair. It may be unfair, but there it is.

{most of the "teachable moment" google image results were about Obama. meh. this pic is from the movie Avatar, which I love for all of the wrong reasons.}

Teachable moments are one-sided.* Don't ask me how, but there aren't too many things about white culture on which I'm not at least conversationally versed. I know that many women with straight hair get lice and that "Shout" is often played at weddings of people of the Caucasian persuasion. I know that many White people prefer the term "African-American" over Black. I know that Jewish men stamp their feet over something at their weddings.

I know these things because I have to. Because when I'm having a conversation about Target with a straight-haired person and they say that they frequent the store because of its deals on "Pert Plus" {sidenote: does that brand still exist?}, I'm supposed to know what they mean, even if they've never heard of "Kinky Curly." Because every television show, commercial, "SNL" punchline and novel reinforces that these people are the dominant American culture and what they do is normal and what I (or any other non-white person) does is abnormal. This is why white people don't have worry about being the teachers during teachable moments. There are certainly teachable moments among minorities, so we are not always the teacher either. This is another reason why I hate teachable moments.

Mostly, I hate that the catalyst for teachable moments is often something that hurts people's feelings: mommies being mistaken for nannies, bodies being violated by strangers, these things are hurtful. Instead of being allowed to be hurt/annoyed/angry, I'm supposed to brush off how I feel and teach you something? Because someone did something that they didn't know would hurt me, I'm not allowed to be hurt. I am, however, allowed to give that person all of my attention and sympathy.

I hate teachable moments.

* This post is specifically about race-related teachable moments. There are other kinds of teachable moments, obviously, related to gender, sexuality, class, disabilities, and any other ism, so this one may not apply to non-race-related tms.

Toms

2010-08-22T20:57:00.001-07:00

morocco women's classics ($54)

Love these. I'm going to buy them very soon.

Birthday

2010-08-17T11:02:00.001-07:00

storm king willa ($695, katespade.com)

This would be a great birthday present for me, from me (or anyone else who really loves me).

Quoted: Nina Sky

2010-08-15T22:13:00.000-07:00

"My sister knows the song in my heart. Sing it to me when my memory fails." -- Natalie {on the left}

It's a tattoo that she has on her arm. Dope, right?

Quoted: Beyonce on Friends With Other Women

2010-08-15T08:41:00.000-07:00

"I think I am a feminist in a way. It’s not something I consciously decided I was going to be...My friendships with my girls are just so much a part of me that there are things I am never going to do that would upset that bond. I never want to betray that friendship because I love being a woman and I love being a friend to other women."

--Beyonce

That Gabi Gregg's Hot Stuff

2010-08-10T19:41:00.000-07:00

I wrote about my lurve of MTV's newest TJ, Gabi Gregg of Young, Fat and Fabulous fame for Change.org. Check it out here.

Photo: YFF

This Here Blog

2010-08-04T02:01:00.000-07:00

This here blog shall henceforth be referred to as "Whitney's blog." "Whitney's blog" as in solitary. I used to blog here, but it began to feel unfocused, especially since this other blog started to feel like a business. Another blog I had held my attention for about a minute, but since I'm working full-time in online journalism, I feel less inclined to dish and diss the industry at The Washington Media Project. (It's now private.)

{my friend nic made this for me years ago and i still lurve it}

So, this here blog will be my only blog. 1016 and Uptown Literati will still exist in the archives, and I'll continue to do similar content here, but I'll also blog about other stuff. Media stuff, home design stuff, hair stuff, feminism stuff, race stuff, family stuff, picture stuff, gadget stuff, fashion stuff, money stuff and whatever other stuff I come up with. I also want to start archiving a lot of my past work. I'm all over the Internets so I want an "official" website. Someday I'll figure out how to direct this blog to whitneyteal.com, which I own.

If you used to be a fan of Uptown Literati or 1016 or my Twitter (which I don't update as often as I used to :-/), then I hope you'll join me over here.